Black Mirrors: The Last Word Is Imagine

In my last blog entry, I received a comment asking me why I'm scared of Thirty. The remark got me to thinking...why AM I so scared? Is Thirty even that big of a deal?

On more than one occasion, these questions have cropped up in my weary head...and at first glance I'm inclined to believe that I'm just terrified of growing old. But that's just an At-First-Glance. I know myself better than that...and I know that aging is no monkey on my back. I've no difficulties with thirty-one...or thirty-six...or fifty-four…or sixty-eight. There's only one year that frightens me...and that's Thirty.

But why? Why does Thirty loom over my head? Bigger than that, why does Thirty terrorize all my friends lives too? It's just a silly number, right?

Somewhere down the line, Thirty became the new Forty. Somewhere, it became my generation's midlife crisis. I'm only twenty-eight but I can already feel self-actualization knocking at my door. And while I'm way too young to be flirting with women half my age...and way too broke to be hanging out in Porche dealerships...it doesn't negate it eminent domain. Thirty is coming for me...and it's coming sooner than later.

Thirty is the first true milestone of adulthood. As the story is told, we spend a good majority of out teenage years desperately seeking out a self-identity. Once we've found one, we plan away our twenties, listing goals for our identities to aspire towards.

For the most part, our goals are similar in intent. We want:

• A loving spouse
• A successful career
• A lot of money
• A fancy house
• A couple kids

Of course, we've no clue how we're going to actually achieve any of above...but for some reason that tiny detail really doesn't faze us. We naively assume that as long as we make it through our twenties, everything will fall into place. So that's what we do. We patiently wade through entry-level positions, bad apartments, and part-time lovers until...well, until we finally reach Thirty.

Because Thirty's when everything turns perfect and we all end up living happily ever after!

Or so that's what the black mirrors lead us to believe.

Like it or not, Thirty is when we reassess our lives. All our plans, our dreams, our ambitions...we comb over them with careful inspection, realizing where we're at…and more significantly, where we're not. Like it or not, Thirty is when we reassess our lists and start breathing in our failures.

And our list of goals? The bullet points that seemed so attainable if we just stayed the course? Well...now that list reads like a thousand nagging moms, all pestering in unison:

• Have you settled down with a nice proper woman and made her your wife? You haven't? What of nuptials? Have you set a date yet? Hold up, do you even have a ring?!? Please tell me you've proposed! Wait...what do you mean, you're not dating right now!
• How's work treating ya? Are you thriving in your career? Do you like all your bosses and coworkers? Are they everything you'd imagined? Oh, and are you making a difference? Because we all know it's foolish to simply work for a paycheck!
• What about finances? Have you made your first hundred thousand dollars yet? No? But I thought you had a ten-year plan! Well, how're your 401k and Roths fairing? Social Security isn't going to be around forever, you know...
• Do you own a house? A house that isn't falling apart? You understand that rent is just another way to waste your hard-earned money, right?
• What of kids? Have you provided your mother a grandchild? She did carry you in her womb for nine whole months. The least you can do is give her what she wants. Don't you love your mom?
• Are you truly happy with your life?

These tricky black mirrors! I wish someone would've sat me down at twenty-two and explained how life wasn't going to be like how I envisioned it in my head. Most likely a couple people did. I was probably just too busy dreaming up fantasies to actually let their advice sink in.

This is the providence of mankind. We never candidly look at what the world entails. Instead, we rifle through a medley of attractive black mirrors, optioning the model that best depicts what we wish life to look like. In short, we pick our best-case scenario.

The bottom line is nobody gets their best-case scenario. We might all strive for perfection, but none of us get there. Right now, I'm running through my cell phone, counting up my friends. My Verizon says I've 153 friends...and after careful scrutiny I'd say only two of them would say YES to all the above bullet/goal questions. Out of 153, only two would say their lives are exactly how they planed them to be a decade ago.

And for those two perfect lives...well, they're just a couple more cases of At-First-Glance. I know those two as well as I know myself...and I know for a fact they're both lying. One guy isn't sure he ever loved his wife...and the other wishes she'd never started a career in advertising. They might proclaim their lives faultless, but in the end it's just another set of black, black mirrors.

All these vile black mirrors. We like to make believe there's a simple, pretty, and concrete way to existing...but in reality our destinies are farther away from us than we could ever imagine.